


I left her behind.

by Zuvio



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode: s04e13 Praimfaya - Time Jump, F/M, Time Jump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:00:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25049548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zuvio/pseuds/Zuvio
Summary: What if things went a bit differently after Praimfaya.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Clarke Griffin & Madi, Emori/John Murphy (The 100), Monty Green/Harper McIntyre
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	1. Dying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke’s thoughts in what she thinks to be her final moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first The 100 fanfic, so please forgive any mistakes.

Clarke Griffin was dying.

She had just made it back to Becka’s lab before the death wave hit, but she now wished she hadn't, as whatever shelter it provided would only serve to delay the inevitable, to prolong her pain. Even though the protection of her suit, she could feel her blood burning as lesions covered her flesh, sending unimaginable spasms of pain through her body. Any remaining notion that her nightblood might protect her went out the window as she began to throw up her own blood.

 _Just let me die,_ she begged, _please let me die._ At least she’ll die knowing they’re okay. Her friends will survive this. John Murphy, Monty Green, Raven Reyes, Harper McIntyre, Echo and Emori. And, of course, Bellamy Blake. Her co leader, her partner, her _best friend_. She had hoped that one day, once the dust had settled, and their people were safe, he could have been more than that. Now, I guess, they’ll never know. 

She was glad that she never told him how she felt, as it could only serve to cause him more pain now. And she wanted him to be happy. That’s what she gave her life for. Jasper was right, in the end. She didn’t want them to survive. She wanted them to live. Wanted _him_ to live. 

And with that last, comforting thought, the world went black.


	2. Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy tries to deal with Clarke’s death.

Although the oxygen newly spewing from the air vents on the ring should make him live, Bellamy feels dead. As his friends crowd around, sucking in the air with gusto, he just sits propped up on the wall, waiting for it to reach him. Actually, he doesn’t really care if it reaches him or not. What does he have left to live for. His sister is shut in a bunker a thousand miles away, and Clarke... Clarke is dead. Left to burn, alone, on a planet that had done nothing but try to kill them since the day the dropship landed. He left her behind to die.

* * *

For weeks, Bellamy does nothing but work to make the ring more survivable. He doesn’t eat with the others, can’t stand to see their faces, not knowing what they cost. He’s afraid to sleep, as he knows that when he does, he will have to watch her burn, crying out for his help, and then he will have to watch himself walk away. Because that’s what he did. He should have known what would happen, she told him what would happen, but he didn’t listen, he let his stubbornness prevent him from seeing the clear danger. 

He should have been the one to go to the tower, not her. She should be the one up here, with their friends. She’d sure as hell be doing a better job leading them than he is, hiding away from them all, working himself to death. How was he ever going to do this without her?

His friends try to be accommodating, despite his short temper. _It’ll pass_ , they tell themselves. But when Monty finds Bellamy trying to replace a power line at two in the morning, completely disregarding the blisters on his hands, enough is enough.

”Bellamy, stop! You need to sleep! I can finish that in the morning.”

Bellamy glances at him with empty eyes before returning to what he’s doing, “No, I’m fine, I can do it now.”

”Fine? Bellamy, you most certainly are not fine! You haven’t had a full night’s sleep in over a month, not to mention a half decent amount of food!” Monty gestured at Bellamy’s hands “Look at your hands, for God’s sake! You need to take care of yourself! Isn’t that what Clarke would want?” 

”Clarke wanted to live!” Bellamy screamed at him. “But I left her behind. I left her to die.” There were tears running down his face now. “If I don’t do everything I can to make sure we survive, then I fail her. If we don’t survive, I left to die for nothing. And I’m never going to let that happen! I can’t let that happen.”

”I know.” Monty replies, “But working yourself to death isn’t going to help us survive. You’re in no condition to be repairing to ring, what if you make a mistake and we all die? Have you thought about that? If you want to honour Clarke’s memory, you should spend some more time taking care of the person she cared about most. You! Clarke wanted you to be safe. You know that.”

Bellamy did know that. He thought back to there last proper conversation, the one where she told him to use his head as well as his heart. _I’ve got you for that,_ he’d said. But he didn’t have her anymore, and he never would again. Now he understood why she’d told him that. Because she knew how he would react, and she knew what he’d do. She understood him better than anyone ever had. She had always understood why he did what he did, even when she didn’t agree with it. 

He nodded silently to Monty, then walked slowly back to his cabin. When he reached it, he collapsed on the bed curled up, and wept. 


End file.
